Go Get Our Girl!
Tom shares his reflections on how a work mindset can seep into adoption leave - while referencing an iconic TV show, of course!
So, I’m in my first month of adoption leave, and see so much to enjoy and be grateful for. I have an amazing one-year-old to orbit and I’m fulfilling a whole new role as a result. I’ve really come to love it.
There’s an episode from a well-known TV show led by four women in New York (I won’t write the name out - algorithms would blush, klaxons would sound), where a work-focused lawyer finds new delight in doing her partner’s laundry. It becomes a motif for domestic bliss - being able to share a life and show love all at once, thanks to a mixed load at 40 degrees with a drain and spin. And just like that, I think about this episode nearly every day. I love my job and will absolutely be back, but right now, I’m in a place where I can do more to make a home and support my family in a truly immediate sense.
Before, ‘getting the mortgage paid’ has been necessary, but felt much less romantic and much more indirect, as an expression of love and intent. “Darling, you’re my world, so I’ve gone ahead and settled the outstanding council tax” - doesn’t quite cut it, does it? I’ve shopped and prepped meals from scratch; headed out to playgroups; organised a toy box; started clearing space in the garage for a trike; listed out all the necessary components to finishing her bedroom, with a timeline and budget, because if a job’s worth doing... But – herein lies the problem, and why I’m writing this post (in truth, it’s also distracting me from leftover Christmas booze.)
I realised this week that I’m trying to shape my home life so that it more closely aligns to my work life. It comes from a place of love, but doing the best for my little girl is suddenly SMART and based upon deliverables, to the point where it can feel dangerously close to trumping the opportunities I have to just be with her.
I absolutely recognise that, professionally speaking, well thought out check lists are a survival tool, a pathway to learning and growth and a means to securing meaningful change. But, at home, there have been a couple of times where I’ve left my toddler’s company to pursue something which, in comparison, has been far, far less important than just playing with her and shooting the breeze. A millennial Descartes would probably have us all living to the truth that ‘I complete many tasks to time, therefore I am.’ I’m writing this and sharing it, because I’m hoping it’ll help me commit to shaking off some inherent ways of working, if only for a short time, to allow for some new ways of being.
Did any other parents out there feel this way during their leave, or maybe during a slow weekend or a holiday? Any new mantras I should be following? Thanks for reading. And - from the same show, same character - the pic below includes something I say to my partner regularly, usually when our daughter starts to cry at 3am.
